Merry Christmas Eve! If you're feeling a bit glum for whatever reason, have a couple of pocket-sized radio comedy morsels to help bring back the Christmas spirit. Firstly is "It Never Happened", from the Twas The Night Before Christmas series, written by Arthur Mathews and read by Robert Webb. This was first aired on BBC7 on 18th December 2006.
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And here is Peter Serafinowicz's excellently confusing appearance on Wake up With Wogan last Friday (19th December 2008). Happy spermy days...
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Have a good Christmas!
December 24, 2008
December 12, 2008
Tellymas
Ho ho ho and a bottle of tinsel – it’s Christmas! Let’s celebrate together the resurrection of Cutlery And Pasties with a look at my Christmas TV and radio highlights, courtesy of the Radio Times and a pink highlighter pen. There’s stuff that clashes on here, but you’ve all got iPlayer and UK Nova and Sky Plus and PVRs and courtroom artists these days, so that needn’t be a problem anymore. Right, onto the Tellies!
Saturday 20 December
Well, we’re not properly in Christmas yet so telly is still on ‘normal mode’, and awful to boot. Regardless, those who want to watch something other than Bugsy Malone, The Nightmare Before Christmas and Dad’s Army: The Movie for the millionth time each there’s always HARRY HILL’S TV BURP (ITV1, 19:25) with the last regular episode of 2008 (20:00pm repeat on the 22nd if you’re out). Following it is FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY (ITV1, 19:55), which looks awful but is notable for boasting the bizarre bill of Tom Jones introducing Cerys Matthews, his (sur)namesake Milton and Jimeoin. They surely must have used a dartboard for that. Oh, and Geoff Posner’s directed it. Steak supper for him tonight. If you’ve never seen the witty Australian drama THE DISH (MORE4, 19:05), do as it’s excellent, but don’t miss Harry for it, for god’s sake. There’s also the premiere of V FOR VENDETTA (BBC2, 22:25) which my partner has requested I honour. I’ve never seen it. It’s apparently quite good. (I bet Barry Norman shits himself when he reads this, eh?) On the radio, there’s the three-hour BBC Radiophonic Workshop theme night SELECTED RADIOPHONIC WORKS (RADIO 7, 20:00), containing rare repeats of assorted radiophonics-heavy shows from the archives. This sounds interesting in theory, but to be brutal, even as a casual fan of the Workshop I predict it a tedious way to spend the evening. Get that new CD best-of instead.
Sunday 21 December
Come on, it’s a Sunday. Christmas or no Christmas, there’s nothing on. The best things on are repeats of episode 3.5 of THE IT CROWD (C4, 23:45) and the “Blue Harvest” special of FAMILY GUY (BBC3, 21:35). But by now you’ll have already seen the former and the latter’s better in its DVD version anyway. Still, rewatching either is a better prospect than Channel 4’s monstrous triad of Russell Brand’s Christmas Ponderland, The Charlotte Church Nutcracking Christmas Special and The Sunday Night Christmas Project guest-hosted by Simon bloody Pegg. Channel 5 offer the not-a-repeat-even-though-surely-you’ve-seen-it-before GREATEST CHRISTMAS COMEDY MOMENTS (C5, 21:00), which is surely a cheaply-made, vaguely depressing prospect if ever there was one. Regardless, if you see through its three-hour length, you are at least rewarded your dessert afterwards with the pilot of excellent US sitcom 30 ROCK (C5, 00:00), ahead of a full repeat of its first season across the Christmas period (check listings or do a search, I’m not bloody typing them out). Only one good thing on the radio – a special of the David Mitchell-chaired panel game THE UNBELIEVABLE TRUTH (RADIO 4, 12:04), with Armando Iannucci, Graeme Garden, Sean Lock and Jack Dee as guests, none of whom thankfully are Andy Hamilton. Oh, and E4’s heartwarming Christmas film for the evening? Porky’s. Compliments of the season from them!
Monday 22 December
Thank god, Christmas Telly sort of kicks in now. It took its bloody time. Head and shoulders above the rest of the terrestrial schedule is the sixth QI CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (BBC1, 21:00), which should be good if Dom Joly doesn’t speak. Repeat on the 30th at 22:00 if you miss it, or alternatively just use iPlayer like everybody else. Don’t bother watching The Brothers Grimm tonight by the way, you’ll get bored with it before it gets bored with you. Best is BBC4 tonight, who have pulled off the rare feat of having three and a half hours of continuous programming you’d actually like to watch. The bulk is made up by COMEDY SONGS NIGHT (BBC4, 21:00-22:30 and 23:00-00:00) which contains both a 90 minute documentary on the artform, The Pop Years, including contributions from Victoria Wood, Bill Oddie, Michael Palin, Neil Innes and Mitch Benn, and The Comic Songbook, an exciting hour-long jukebox of old comedy song footage played in full. After there’s an appropriate repeat of HBO ONE NIGHT STAND: FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS (BBC4, 00:00), which I suggest you record given they couldn’t be bothered putting it on the DVD. Filling the gap between the two halves of the theme night is the first part of three of Mark Gatiss’s exciting-looking, Lee Ingleby-starring horror thriller CROOKED HOUSE (BBC4, 22:30), although I recommend you wait for the omnibus ‘film version’ repeat on the 27th (same channel at 21:00). Instead, why not fill the half-hour interval by switching on the radio and listening to an eight-year-old episode of THE REMAINS OF FOLEY AND McCOLL (RADIO 7, 22:30), in which Sean and Hamish both delight and baffle you why their BBC2 pilot never got picked up. Two other radio heads-up today – ‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS: IT NEVER HAPPENED (RADIO 7, 13:00), a fifteen minute seasonal short story by Arthur Mathews, and GENIUS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (RADIO 4, 18:30), in which Dave Gorman gets someone good on – namely Lee Mack – so it should be worth hearing.
Tuesday 23 December
Given that it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow, you’d think they’d put something good on today, especially after yesterday’s bumper haul. But no. Barely a squit. Catch up with Monday’s programming online or on Virgin instead. Or stick a few Christmas specials on off DVD. Otherwise, you’ve a very long wait for THE PETER SERAFINOWICZ CHRISTMAS SHOW (BBC2, 22:55), a very welcome half-hour return for the best programme of 2007. Except it’s not that simple. In the most inexplicable scheduling decision since, well, the last one, this gets a repeat the day after at midnight with an extra ten minutes of material added. So, which one to watch? Answer: both. Serafinowicz can stand rewatching til the end of time and you’ll be able to boast to all your friends (well, people on the internet anyway) that you’ve spotted all the differences. Only one good thing on the radio and it’s a repeat, albeit a rare one – THE SHUTTLEWORTHS: PLONKER’S BABY (RADIO 7, 22:00), the 2002 special which has never ever been released on cassette or CD and possibly never even repeated before. Make the effort to record this one in nice quality for posterity. Elsewhere, there’s only really a couple of TV repeats to fill up on – the joyous series four finale of DOCTOR WHO (BBC3, 19:00), bizarrely in a slot over five minutes too short for it, and the 100th episode commemorative special of FAMILY GUY (BBC3, 23:00), in which,amongst acres of classic clips, the ever-likeable Seth MacFarlane hilariously focus-groups footage from the show to a bewildered representation of middle America, under a veil of faux-naïve anonymity. Unmissable if you haven’t seen it. Or bought it on the Family Guy Volume Six/”Season Seven” DVD on which it appears. Which, let’s be honest, you probably have.
Wednesday 24 December
Why not celebrate the morning and afternoon of Christmas Eve morning by watching some films over your chocolates? Answer: because those films are High School Musical, The Santa Clause, Santa Claus: The Movie, The Polar Express, Freaky Friday and The Bloody Pissing Bastard Snowman. If you’re up very very early for some insane reason (alternatively: have kids) then the perfect THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN (C4, 07:10) is your only sane escape. WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (ITV1, 16:50) remains my favourite ever film, but I plug it here only to spite the anonymous Radio Times reviewer who claims it “now looks pretty cheap compared to Tim Burton’s [version]”. He or she can go and stick their head in a pig. Nothing on the radio except A CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU: THE PHIL SPECTOR CHRISTMAS ALBUM (RADIO 2, 08:00), another thing on stupidly early. Hosted inexplicably by Amanda Holden, this is an hour-long documentary about the first ever Christmas rock album and its lasting influence. To translate then, ‘let’s hope someone puts it on UK Nova as it’s on too early and anyway if I’m up by then I’m watching the Muppets’. Lack of good radio programming is no hinderance though, as the BBC have produced exciting festive specials of two of my favourite TV comedies. And put them on at the same time. Thanks, BBC. First up is GAVIN AND STACEY (BBC1, 22:00), a 65-minute sojourn (and possibly a farewell) to the bittersweet, esoterica-loaded show that surprised us all by being both (a) on BBC3 and (b) good. Kindly pitted against it is CHARLIE BROOKER’S SCREENWIPE REVIEW OF THE YEAR (BBC4, 22:00), the now traditional sarcastic round-up of the year’s rubbish and the capper to a fifth series which has unfortunately seemed a little bit empty and rushed compared to the others (excellent “Writers Special” not withstanding). If you miss it, it gets re-aired on the 29th at 22:50. Oh, and don’t forget that extended repeat of THE PETER SERAFINOWICZ CHRISTMAS SHOW (BBC2, 00:00) that I mentioned before. Yer Midnight Eucharist can sod off, there’s ten minutes of unaired whimsy on the other side.
Thursday 25 December
Merry Christmas! Although to be fair it’s only the 11th when I’m writing this and you’ll have read it before then anyway. Christmas morning telly this year is absolutely diabolical, but not to fear – why not open your presents to the strains of BLACK CINDERELLA TWO GOES EAST (RADIO 7, 11:00), a misleadingly-titled Christmas pantomime from 1979, produced by Douglas Adams, written by Clive Anderson and Rory McGrath and featuring the dream cast of Peter Cook, all three Goodies, and John Cleese (via tape recorder), amongst many others. Record it too while you’re at it – it’s quite rare. Straight after that, switch over for WITH GREAT PLEASURE AT CHRISTMAS: TERRY PRATCHETT (RADIO 4, 12:04), in which the genius behatted misery shares an hour of his favourite prose. The readers include both Helen Atkinson-Wood and Michael Fenton Stevens, so fans of both Radio Active and double-barrelled surnames are catered for. Back to TV, and my two favourite Christmas episodes of THE SIMPSONS (C4, 12:45 and 17:50), “Miracle On Evergreen Terrace” and “’Tis The Fifteenth Season”, are getting welcome repeat airings today, which should wash out the stench of that Alternative Christmas Message embarrassment from a few years ago. After you’ve tucked in to your Christmas overfacement, you might like to watch WALLACE AND GROMIT: THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT (BBC1, 16:30), which regardless of how many times you’ve already seen it is undeniably perfect Christmas Day TV. If you would instead like to watch something inappropriately scheduled, then Howard Goodall’s THE TRUTH ABOUT CAROLS (BBC2, 17:00), looks a fascinating piece about the history of the church versus the Christmas carol. Let’s face it though, no-one will be watching this go out live. Especially not if you’ve got the TV Burp DVD as a present. For the early evening to nighttime Christmas block, BBC1 beats ITV1 at every single corner. In fact, the latter’s schedule is as close to an advance admission of defeat as I’ve ever seen. Dancing On Ice, Stanley Baxter and Mermaids? Only a blank screen would have said more. Anyway, if you’re not excited about DOCTOR WHO: THE NEXT DOCTOR (BBC1, 18:00) then go away and leave me in peace. Not only is it a new episode of everyone normal’s favourite programme, but it hasn’t yet been spoiled for me by internet gits. Afterwards, you have two choices on how to bypass the tedium of Strictly Come Dancing – either with DOCTOR WHO CONFIDENTIAL/DOCTOR WHO: TOP 5 CHRISTMAS MOMENTS (BBC3, 19:00) if you favour enduring overlong music montages in order to persue the sport of counting Russell T Davies’ moles, or the umpteenth repeat of BLACKADDER’S CHRISTMAS CAROL (BBC2, 19:00), a previous repeat of which was amazingly BBC2’s highest rating programme all last winter. Back to BBC1, and you have the dilemma of the brand new and very excellent WALLACE AND GROMIT: A MATTER OF LOAF AND DEATH (BBC1, 20:30) sandwiched between two drab, greyish portions of Eastenders. I would therefore suggest downloading said new claymation opus from the torrent site of your choice (it’s been transmitted in Australia already as of the start of December so it’s very easily available), burning it to a DVD and watching it earlier in the day. This then leaves you a nice free 90-minute block in which to inspect your presents or watch another DVD. Do be back in time however for THE ROYLE FAMILY: THE NEW SOFA (BBC1, 21:30), possibly the world’s first big Christmas special made entirely in secret. For some reason. Anyway, it’s bound to be great even though Ralf Little isn’t in it and the second half is set at Dave and Denise’s and his parents are played by Tom Courtenary and Helen Fraser forming a Billy Liar reunion on primetime Christmas Day and… well, you get the idea. It’ll be good. Straight after this we find BLACKADDER RIDES AGAIN (BBC1, 22:30), which is thankfully not a new episode but a documentary, pulling out all the stops (including getting Rowan Atkinson involved) to celebrate a show which revisiting for me these days always seems like putting on an old T-shirt that doesn’t quite fit anymore. Y’know, you want to hold on to it but it has no further use for you. Still, with rare out-takes and clips promised, it should be a treat anyway. If you’re by now not so sick of staring at a screen then you can take 30 minutes more, then go for GAVIN AND STACEY: 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (BBC3, 23:30), which documents the making of the Christmas Eve episode. It’ll probably be on the DVD anyway though, so don’t go out of your way or owt. Get some sleep instead or you’ll feel crap tomorrow.
Friday 26 December
Have a good Christmas? Ah well, if you went to bed when I said you’ll be up and about by the time of COUNT ARTHUR STRONG’S CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! (RADIO 4, 11:30), a repeat admittedly but not only something unavailable on any of the CD sets, but one of the finest Christmas comedy half-hours ever transmitted. Seriously, Arthur’s retelling of the Nativity will leave you in physical pain. As for the rest of the daytime, get a DVD on or a new book read as there’s nothing on anywhere until HARRY HILL’S TV BURP REVIEW OF THE YEAR (ITV1, 19:00), engaged in its own ‘fight’ for ratings against BBC1’s premiere of The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe. But I’m not recommending that as it looks really, really boring. If your TV finds yourself tuned to it anyway, Harry gets a repeat on the 29th at 22:30. You’ve no excuse. Avoid Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest too. It’s overlong, has no plot, and is full of bizarre racist undertones. The third one’s great though. In the evening, you may want to sit through all four hours of BILL COTTON NIGHT (BBC2, 20:30), if you’re one of those bores who fetishises 1970s Christmas television and actually thinks that sitting through an unedited 1973 Generation Game in 2008 constitutes a positive usage of time. The series finale of THE IT CROWD (C4, 21:50) is where you want to be instead. Not a Christmas-themed special sadly (writer Graham Linehan is presumably still phobic of them given how much he hates the Father Ted one he co-wrote). Come back half an hour after that for THE BEST OF 8 OUT OF 10 CATS (C4, 22:50), a fifty minute compilation of the last series of the panel show that so many can’t quite bring themselves to admit got really good after the first couple of series.
Saturday 27 December
Let’s face it – the party’s over by now. Not a sausage on the radio – not even a good repeat. Only two things good on TV too, both on at 9pm. Firstly, COMIC RELIEF DOES UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2, 21:00), a bizarrely-chosen but welcome repeat of this special from a telethon or too back, including Stephen Fry, Armando Iannucci and Omid Djalili fielding Angus Deayton’s questions. Alternatively, if you did what I recommended, you’ll be looking forward to the “portmanteau horror film version” of CROOKED HOUSE (BBC4, 21:00), and be letting Mark Gatiss spook your post-Christmas misery away. And replace it with terror. Abject terror. Of ghosts. Thanks, Mark.
Sunday 28 December
Really given up now. Only two things. Firstly, DOCTOR WHO: THE COMMENTARIES (RADIO 7, 18:00), a programme that’ll be enhanced considerably if you play a recording of the Christmas special on the TV at the same time. Frankly too much hassle to be fun, and not interesting enough to be worth bothering (unless either David Tennant and/or Russell T Davies are on it, in which case ignore that comment). Channel 4 have the only TV highlight with THE BIG FAT QUIZ OF THE YEAR (C4, 21:00), which is usually a lot more entertaining than it has any right to be. Mind you, this year it looks as though David Mitchell isn’t on it so that could tip the balance right over. You might be better watching the repeat on New Year’s Eve though over a drink.
Monday 29 December
Not a bloody thing on either radio or TV. Seriously. There’s yer repeats of HARRY HILL’S TV BURP REVIEW OF THE YEAR (ITV1, 22:30) and CHARLIE BROOKER’S SCREENWIPE REVIEW OF THE YEAR (BBC4, 22:50) (spot the connection) already mentioned, and they bloody clash at that. Weak.
Tuesday 30 December
Not as bad as yesterday, but still a paucity of entertainment. FRONT ROW (RADIO 4, 19:15) interviews Lenny Henry, Dara O’Briain, Alexei Sayle, Frank Skinner and David Walliams about taste and decency. Sadly it’s Mark Lawson doing the interviewing but you can’t have everything. TV offers up SHOOTING STARS NIGHT (BBC2, 21:00), comprising a new hour-long documentary, The Inside Story, and a brand new edition afterwards. Hey, it’s nearly 2009. We takes our Reeves and Mortimer wheres we cans geddit. Even if it might (read: “probably will”) be embarrassing. A couple of hours after it finishes there’s also a bit-too-late-after-the-main-night-to-be-useful repeat of the relevant COMEDY CONNECTIONS (BBC2, 00:15) episode too.
Wednesday 31 December
Oh, good god, what an awful line-up. Absolutely nothing on – get some friends round instead or stick one of your Christmas present DVDs on. If you fancy a post-Auld Lang Syne giggle, then pick from either AIRPLANE! (C4, 00:10) or YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN (BBC4, 00:25). Although to be honest, knowing this blog’s audience, if you haven’t got both on DVD or video already I’d be surprised.
Thursday 1 January
Final lap. And what do we get? Erm, mainly repeats of things that have already been on. Wallace And Gromit, Shooting Stars, Doctor Who and Blackadder Rides Again all get peak-time re-airings. Two things of genuine worth though that have been saved for today – the first being DOCTOR WHO AT THE PROMS (BBC1, 13:50), a show that’s been in the can longer than a tuna fish at John West’s. Featuring an hour of sumptuous orchestral score performances and a brand new mini-episode, I personally at least am looking forward to it like a school boy, even though there’s a re-edit of it, twice as long, included as a double-feature companion to the Next Doctor DVD which comes out a fortnight on Monday from here. Pyroviles and piccolos aside, the big New Year treat is a brand new JONATHAN CREEK (BBC1, 21:00), running a gargantuan two hours and featuring new co-star Sheridan Smith, given that Alan Davies pissed off the previous two.
Friday 2 January
CHRISTMAS IS OVER. THERE IS NO MORE CHRISTMAS AND IT’S ELEVEN AND A HALF MONTHS UNTIL IT COMES ROUND AGAIN. THUS YOU MUST HAVE ONLY RUBBISH TELLY NOW. IT IS VENGEANCE FOR ME HAVING TO FORMAT THIS POST THREE TIMES.
Saturday 20 December
Well, we’re not properly in Christmas yet so telly is still on ‘normal mode’, and awful to boot. Regardless, those who want to watch something other than Bugsy Malone, The Nightmare Before Christmas and Dad’s Army: The Movie for the millionth time each there’s always HARRY HILL’S TV BURP (ITV1, 19:25) with the last regular episode of 2008 (20:00pm repeat on the 22nd if you’re out). Following it is FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY (ITV1, 19:55), which looks awful but is notable for boasting the bizarre bill of Tom Jones introducing Cerys Matthews, his (sur)namesake Milton and Jimeoin. They surely must have used a dartboard for that. Oh, and Geoff Posner’s directed it. Steak supper for him tonight. If you’ve never seen the witty Australian drama THE DISH (MORE4, 19:05), do as it’s excellent, but don’t miss Harry for it, for god’s sake. There’s also the premiere of V FOR VENDETTA (BBC2, 22:25) which my partner has requested I honour. I’ve never seen it. It’s apparently quite good. (I bet Barry Norman shits himself when he reads this, eh?) On the radio, there’s the three-hour BBC Radiophonic Workshop theme night SELECTED RADIOPHONIC WORKS (RADIO 7, 20:00), containing rare repeats of assorted radiophonics-heavy shows from the archives. This sounds interesting in theory, but to be brutal, even as a casual fan of the Workshop I predict it a tedious way to spend the evening. Get that new CD best-of instead.
Sunday 21 December
Come on, it’s a Sunday. Christmas or no Christmas, there’s nothing on. The best things on are repeats of episode 3.5 of THE IT CROWD (C4, 23:45) and the “Blue Harvest” special of FAMILY GUY (BBC3, 21:35). But by now you’ll have already seen the former and the latter’s better in its DVD version anyway. Still, rewatching either is a better prospect than Channel 4’s monstrous triad of Russell Brand’s Christmas Ponderland, The Charlotte Church Nutcracking Christmas Special and The Sunday Night Christmas Project guest-hosted by Simon bloody Pegg. Channel 5 offer the not-a-repeat-even-though-surely-you’ve-seen-it-before GREATEST CHRISTMAS COMEDY MOMENTS (C5, 21:00), which is surely a cheaply-made, vaguely depressing prospect if ever there was one. Regardless, if you see through its three-hour length, you are at least rewarded your dessert afterwards with the pilot of excellent US sitcom 30 ROCK (C5, 00:00), ahead of a full repeat of its first season across the Christmas period (check listings or do a search, I’m not bloody typing them out). Only one good thing on the radio – a special of the David Mitchell-chaired panel game THE UNBELIEVABLE TRUTH (RADIO 4, 12:04), with Armando Iannucci, Graeme Garden, Sean Lock and Jack Dee as guests, none of whom thankfully are Andy Hamilton. Oh, and E4’s heartwarming Christmas film for the evening? Porky’s. Compliments of the season from them!
Monday 22 December
Thank god, Christmas Telly sort of kicks in now. It took its bloody time. Head and shoulders above the rest of the terrestrial schedule is the sixth QI CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (BBC1, 21:00), which should be good if Dom Joly doesn’t speak. Repeat on the 30th at 22:00 if you miss it, or alternatively just use iPlayer like everybody else. Don’t bother watching The Brothers Grimm tonight by the way, you’ll get bored with it before it gets bored with you. Best is BBC4 tonight, who have pulled off the rare feat of having three and a half hours of continuous programming you’d actually like to watch. The bulk is made up by COMEDY SONGS NIGHT (BBC4, 21:00-22:30 and 23:00-00:00) which contains both a 90 minute documentary on the artform, The Pop Years, including contributions from Victoria Wood, Bill Oddie, Michael Palin, Neil Innes and Mitch Benn, and The Comic Songbook, an exciting hour-long jukebox of old comedy song footage played in full. After there’s an appropriate repeat of HBO ONE NIGHT STAND: FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS (BBC4, 00:00), which I suggest you record given they couldn’t be bothered putting it on the DVD. Filling the gap between the two halves of the theme night is the first part of three of Mark Gatiss’s exciting-looking, Lee Ingleby-starring horror thriller CROOKED HOUSE (BBC4, 22:30), although I recommend you wait for the omnibus ‘film version’ repeat on the 27th (same channel at 21:00). Instead, why not fill the half-hour interval by switching on the radio and listening to an eight-year-old episode of THE REMAINS OF FOLEY AND McCOLL (RADIO 7, 22:30), in which Sean and Hamish both delight and baffle you why their BBC2 pilot never got picked up. Two other radio heads-up today – ‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS: IT NEVER HAPPENED (RADIO 7, 13:00), a fifteen minute seasonal short story by Arthur Mathews, and GENIUS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (RADIO 4, 18:30), in which Dave Gorman gets someone good on – namely Lee Mack – so it should be worth hearing.
Tuesday 23 December
Given that it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow, you’d think they’d put something good on today, especially after yesterday’s bumper haul. But no. Barely a squit. Catch up with Monday’s programming online or on Virgin instead. Or stick a few Christmas specials on off DVD. Otherwise, you’ve a very long wait for THE PETER SERAFINOWICZ CHRISTMAS SHOW (BBC2, 22:55), a very welcome half-hour return for the best programme of 2007. Except it’s not that simple. In the most inexplicable scheduling decision since, well, the last one, this gets a repeat the day after at midnight with an extra ten minutes of material added. So, which one to watch? Answer: both. Serafinowicz can stand rewatching til the end of time and you’ll be able to boast to all your friends (well, people on the internet anyway) that you’ve spotted all the differences. Only one good thing on the radio and it’s a repeat, albeit a rare one – THE SHUTTLEWORTHS: PLONKER’S BABY (RADIO 7, 22:00), the 2002 special which has never ever been released on cassette or CD and possibly never even repeated before. Make the effort to record this one in nice quality for posterity. Elsewhere, there’s only really a couple of TV repeats to fill up on – the joyous series four finale of DOCTOR WHO (BBC3, 19:00), bizarrely in a slot over five minutes too short for it, and the 100th episode commemorative special of FAMILY GUY (BBC3, 23:00), in which,amongst acres of classic clips, the ever-likeable Seth MacFarlane hilariously focus-groups footage from the show to a bewildered representation of middle America, under a veil of faux-naïve anonymity. Unmissable if you haven’t seen it. Or bought it on the Family Guy Volume Six/”Season Seven” DVD on which it appears. Which, let’s be honest, you probably have.
Wednesday 24 December
Why not celebrate the morning and afternoon of Christmas Eve morning by watching some films over your chocolates? Answer: because those films are High School Musical, The Santa Clause, Santa Claus: The Movie, The Polar Express, Freaky Friday and The Bloody Pissing Bastard Snowman. If you’re up very very early for some insane reason (alternatively: have kids) then the perfect THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN (C4, 07:10) is your only sane escape. WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (ITV1, 16:50) remains my favourite ever film, but I plug it here only to spite the anonymous Radio Times reviewer who claims it “now looks pretty cheap compared to Tim Burton’s [version]”. He or she can go and stick their head in a pig. Nothing on the radio except A CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU: THE PHIL SPECTOR CHRISTMAS ALBUM (RADIO 2, 08:00), another thing on stupidly early. Hosted inexplicably by Amanda Holden, this is an hour-long documentary about the first ever Christmas rock album and its lasting influence. To translate then, ‘let’s hope someone puts it on UK Nova as it’s on too early and anyway if I’m up by then I’m watching the Muppets’. Lack of good radio programming is no hinderance though, as the BBC have produced exciting festive specials of two of my favourite TV comedies. And put them on at the same time. Thanks, BBC. First up is GAVIN AND STACEY (BBC1, 22:00), a 65-minute sojourn (and possibly a farewell) to the bittersweet, esoterica-loaded show that surprised us all by being both (a) on BBC3 and (b) good. Kindly pitted against it is CHARLIE BROOKER’S SCREENWIPE REVIEW OF THE YEAR (BBC4, 22:00), the now traditional sarcastic round-up of the year’s rubbish and the capper to a fifth series which has unfortunately seemed a little bit empty and rushed compared to the others (excellent “Writers Special” not withstanding). If you miss it, it gets re-aired on the 29th at 22:50. Oh, and don’t forget that extended repeat of THE PETER SERAFINOWICZ CHRISTMAS SHOW (BBC2, 00:00) that I mentioned before. Yer Midnight Eucharist can sod off, there’s ten minutes of unaired whimsy on the other side.
Thursday 25 December
Merry Christmas! Although to be fair it’s only the 11th when I’m writing this and you’ll have read it before then anyway. Christmas morning telly this year is absolutely diabolical, but not to fear – why not open your presents to the strains of BLACK CINDERELLA TWO GOES EAST (RADIO 7, 11:00), a misleadingly-titled Christmas pantomime from 1979, produced by Douglas Adams, written by Clive Anderson and Rory McGrath and featuring the dream cast of Peter Cook, all three Goodies, and John Cleese (via tape recorder), amongst many others. Record it too while you’re at it – it’s quite rare. Straight after that, switch over for WITH GREAT PLEASURE AT CHRISTMAS: TERRY PRATCHETT (RADIO 4, 12:04), in which the genius behatted misery shares an hour of his favourite prose. The readers include both Helen Atkinson-Wood and Michael Fenton Stevens, so fans of both Radio Active and double-barrelled surnames are catered for. Back to TV, and my two favourite Christmas episodes of THE SIMPSONS (C4, 12:45 and 17:50), “Miracle On Evergreen Terrace” and “’Tis The Fifteenth Season”, are getting welcome repeat airings today, which should wash out the stench of that Alternative Christmas Message embarrassment from a few years ago. After you’ve tucked in to your Christmas overfacement, you might like to watch WALLACE AND GROMIT: THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT (BBC1, 16:30), which regardless of how many times you’ve already seen it is undeniably perfect Christmas Day TV. If you would instead like to watch something inappropriately scheduled, then Howard Goodall’s THE TRUTH ABOUT CAROLS (BBC2, 17:00), looks a fascinating piece about the history of the church versus the Christmas carol. Let’s face it though, no-one will be watching this go out live. Especially not if you’ve got the TV Burp DVD as a present. For the early evening to nighttime Christmas block, BBC1 beats ITV1 at every single corner. In fact, the latter’s schedule is as close to an advance admission of defeat as I’ve ever seen. Dancing On Ice, Stanley Baxter and Mermaids? Only a blank screen would have said more. Anyway, if you’re not excited about DOCTOR WHO: THE NEXT DOCTOR (BBC1, 18:00) then go away and leave me in peace. Not only is it a new episode of everyone normal’s favourite programme, but it hasn’t yet been spoiled for me by internet gits. Afterwards, you have two choices on how to bypass the tedium of Strictly Come Dancing – either with DOCTOR WHO CONFIDENTIAL/DOCTOR WHO: TOP 5 CHRISTMAS MOMENTS (BBC3, 19:00) if you favour enduring overlong music montages in order to persue the sport of counting Russell T Davies’ moles, or the umpteenth repeat of BLACKADDER’S CHRISTMAS CAROL (BBC2, 19:00), a previous repeat of which was amazingly BBC2’s highest rating programme all last winter. Back to BBC1, and you have the dilemma of the brand new and very excellent WALLACE AND GROMIT: A MATTER OF LOAF AND DEATH (BBC1, 20:30) sandwiched between two drab, greyish portions of Eastenders. I would therefore suggest downloading said new claymation opus from the torrent site of your choice (it’s been transmitted in Australia already as of the start of December so it’s very easily available), burning it to a DVD and watching it earlier in the day. This then leaves you a nice free 90-minute block in which to inspect your presents or watch another DVD. Do be back in time however for THE ROYLE FAMILY: THE NEW SOFA (BBC1, 21:30), possibly the world’s first big Christmas special made entirely in secret. For some reason. Anyway, it’s bound to be great even though Ralf Little isn’t in it and the second half is set at Dave and Denise’s and his parents are played by Tom Courtenary and Helen Fraser forming a Billy Liar reunion on primetime Christmas Day and… well, you get the idea. It’ll be good. Straight after this we find BLACKADDER RIDES AGAIN (BBC1, 22:30), which is thankfully not a new episode but a documentary, pulling out all the stops (including getting Rowan Atkinson involved) to celebrate a show which revisiting for me these days always seems like putting on an old T-shirt that doesn’t quite fit anymore. Y’know, you want to hold on to it but it has no further use for you. Still, with rare out-takes and clips promised, it should be a treat anyway. If you’re by now not so sick of staring at a screen then you can take 30 minutes more, then go for GAVIN AND STACEY: 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (BBC3, 23:30), which documents the making of the Christmas Eve episode. It’ll probably be on the DVD anyway though, so don’t go out of your way or owt. Get some sleep instead or you’ll feel crap tomorrow.
Friday 26 December
Have a good Christmas? Ah well, if you went to bed when I said you’ll be up and about by the time of COUNT ARTHUR STRONG’S CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! (RADIO 4, 11:30), a repeat admittedly but not only something unavailable on any of the CD sets, but one of the finest Christmas comedy half-hours ever transmitted. Seriously, Arthur’s retelling of the Nativity will leave you in physical pain. As for the rest of the daytime, get a DVD on or a new book read as there’s nothing on anywhere until HARRY HILL’S TV BURP REVIEW OF THE YEAR (ITV1, 19:00), engaged in its own ‘fight’ for ratings against BBC1’s premiere of The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe. But I’m not recommending that as it looks really, really boring. If your TV finds yourself tuned to it anyway, Harry gets a repeat on the 29th at 22:30. You’ve no excuse. Avoid Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest too. It’s overlong, has no plot, and is full of bizarre racist undertones. The third one’s great though. In the evening, you may want to sit through all four hours of BILL COTTON NIGHT (BBC2, 20:30), if you’re one of those bores who fetishises 1970s Christmas television and actually thinks that sitting through an unedited 1973 Generation Game in 2008 constitutes a positive usage of time. The series finale of THE IT CROWD (C4, 21:50) is where you want to be instead. Not a Christmas-themed special sadly (writer Graham Linehan is presumably still phobic of them given how much he hates the Father Ted one he co-wrote). Come back half an hour after that for THE BEST OF 8 OUT OF 10 CATS (C4, 22:50), a fifty minute compilation of the last series of the panel show that so many can’t quite bring themselves to admit got really good after the first couple of series.
Saturday 27 December
Let’s face it – the party’s over by now. Not a sausage on the radio – not even a good repeat. Only two things good on TV too, both on at 9pm. Firstly, COMIC RELIEF DOES UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2, 21:00), a bizarrely-chosen but welcome repeat of this special from a telethon or too back, including Stephen Fry, Armando Iannucci and Omid Djalili fielding Angus Deayton’s questions. Alternatively, if you did what I recommended, you’ll be looking forward to the “portmanteau horror film version” of CROOKED HOUSE (BBC4, 21:00), and be letting Mark Gatiss spook your post-Christmas misery away. And replace it with terror. Abject terror. Of ghosts. Thanks, Mark.
Sunday 28 December
Really given up now. Only two things. Firstly, DOCTOR WHO: THE COMMENTARIES (RADIO 7, 18:00), a programme that’ll be enhanced considerably if you play a recording of the Christmas special on the TV at the same time. Frankly too much hassle to be fun, and not interesting enough to be worth bothering (unless either David Tennant and/or Russell T Davies are on it, in which case ignore that comment). Channel 4 have the only TV highlight with THE BIG FAT QUIZ OF THE YEAR (C4, 21:00), which is usually a lot more entertaining than it has any right to be. Mind you, this year it looks as though David Mitchell isn’t on it so that could tip the balance right over. You might be better watching the repeat on New Year’s Eve though over a drink.
Monday 29 December
Not a bloody thing on either radio or TV. Seriously. There’s yer repeats of HARRY HILL’S TV BURP REVIEW OF THE YEAR (ITV1, 22:30) and CHARLIE BROOKER’S SCREENWIPE REVIEW OF THE YEAR (BBC4, 22:50) (spot the connection) already mentioned, and they bloody clash at that. Weak.
Tuesday 30 December
Not as bad as yesterday, but still a paucity of entertainment. FRONT ROW (RADIO 4, 19:15) interviews Lenny Henry, Dara O’Briain, Alexei Sayle, Frank Skinner and David Walliams about taste and decency. Sadly it’s Mark Lawson doing the interviewing but you can’t have everything. TV offers up SHOOTING STARS NIGHT (BBC2, 21:00), comprising a new hour-long documentary, The Inside Story, and a brand new edition afterwards. Hey, it’s nearly 2009. We takes our Reeves and Mortimer wheres we cans geddit. Even if it might (read: “probably will”) be embarrassing. A couple of hours after it finishes there’s also a bit-too-late-after-the-main-night-to-be-useful repeat of the relevant COMEDY CONNECTIONS (BBC2, 00:15) episode too.
Wednesday 31 December
Oh, good god, what an awful line-up. Absolutely nothing on – get some friends round instead or stick one of your Christmas present DVDs on. If you fancy a post-Auld Lang Syne giggle, then pick from either AIRPLANE! (C4, 00:10) or YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN (BBC4, 00:25). Although to be honest, knowing this blog’s audience, if you haven’t got both on DVD or video already I’d be surprised.
Thursday 1 January
Final lap. And what do we get? Erm, mainly repeats of things that have already been on. Wallace And Gromit, Shooting Stars, Doctor Who and Blackadder Rides Again all get peak-time re-airings. Two things of genuine worth though that have been saved for today – the first being DOCTOR WHO AT THE PROMS (BBC1, 13:50), a show that’s been in the can longer than a tuna fish at John West’s. Featuring an hour of sumptuous orchestral score performances and a brand new mini-episode, I personally at least am looking forward to it like a school boy, even though there’s a re-edit of it, twice as long, included as a double-feature companion to the Next Doctor DVD which comes out a fortnight on Monday from here. Pyroviles and piccolos aside, the big New Year treat is a brand new JONATHAN CREEK (BBC1, 21:00), running a gargantuan two hours and featuring new co-star Sheridan Smith, given that Alan Davies pissed off the previous two.
Friday 2 January
CHRISTMAS IS OVER. THERE IS NO MORE CHRISTMAS AND IT’S ELEVEN AND A HALF MONTHS UNTIL IT COMES ROUND AGAIN. THUS YOU MUST HAVE ONLY RUBBISH TELLY NOW. IT IS VENGEANCE FOR ME HAVING TO FORMAT THIS POST THREE TIMES.
October 05, 2007
Ryde On Time, Ryde On Time...
Since Steve Ryde took over CBBC it has genuinely been fantastic. Quite aside from getting a ton of hilarious all-new puppet antics every weekday, with Ed Petrie and Warrick Brownlow-Pike#s Ed and Oucho linking material being basically a proper five-times-weekly programme in itself, the current arsenal of programmes is about as strong as it has ever been in its history. What with Shaun The Sheep, Trapped!, The Sarah Jane Adventures, Chute (lots of Goodies clips and countless other 'adult' comedy extracts given a whole new audience), a new series of The Slammer in the works, and the addictively incomprehensible Bear Behaving Badly, plus a pretty nicely refined repeats schedule, it's not even programming that's good in an ironic studenty way. It's some of the best telly on anywhere at the moment. And it's pretty much all thanks to Ryde's new regime.
Wackadoo!
Wackadoo!
May 05, 2007
WHERE'S NEV?
Me and Ben just watched Doctor Who: 'The Lazarus Experiment', and were trying to amuse each other on MSN from the corner of our eyes throughout. So here, I am proud to present, with italicised annotations, your very own exclusive text commentary...
--------------
[Thelma Barlow has just mentioned "Mr Saxon"]
Ben:
Sax-WHAT?!?!
[Reggie Yates is marching menacingly onto the screen]
Ben:
"Dont worry kids, Reggie's on the way!"
Darrell:
CRUST
[Mark Gatiss with peanuts on his face gets into a shower covered in lights and emerges sans peanuts]
Darrell:
Yay!
Darrell:
THE AIDS CLEARED UP!
Ben:
Someone from the crowd shouts "Do yer Mickey voice!"
Darrell:
"Do your Noel Clarke voice!"
Ben:
"Not you Yates."
Darrell:
"It's great ere innit, innit great"
Ben:
"Well, I dont really knooooowwwwwwwwwwww"
Ben:
But when are the rest of the Dinnerladies cast coming in?
Darrell:
Two down...
Ben:
Oh god. My free RT Who stickers this week were all comically awful.
Ben:
Anne Reid with straw, Doctor holds cat, "Cyberman", Doctor with blurry face and Peter "Dinners" Kay.
[Martha's family are on the screen again, sharing out about four lines of dialogue between the sixty-two of them]
Ben:
"That Doctor!"
"He's alright."
"Anyone fancy some pizza?"
[Mark's having a fit]
Ben:
I like the idea that they've picked someone in their 40's to be the new young man version.
[Reggie's back again]
Darrell:
WHERE'S NEV?
Ben:
WITH TOM AS USUAL
Darrell:
Also the answer to "Where's Matt and Dave?"
Ben:
Ha.
Ben:
Second answer: "Buggering men."
[Tennant's running down a rotating corridor being chased by some greasy legs]
Ben:
Doctor Who in "A Late 90's Doom Clone Game."
Darrell:
Why has the music gone into Joby Talbot style?
Ben:
I'd like to think it was a tribute to the guest star. But probably not.
Darrell:
The end song from Dinnerladies on its way no doubt.
Ben:
Full vocals I hope.
Darrell:
aka "Go For Another Take Vic, Please."
Ben:
Confidential is 40 minutes tonight. 45 last week. First four were 30 as per. What the bloody hell is going on?
Darrell:
First four were 45 actually.
Darrell:
First tx at least.
Ben:
The first one wasn't, Id stake brass on it.
Darrell:
I only know cause I taped them all.
Darrell:
First one was in a 45 slot but was 40.
Darrell:
Fuck knows why I taped them all, thinking about it.
Ben:
Last week's was the dullest thing in the world.
[Mark is laying naked on the floor, his glistening arse visible to all and sundry]
Ben:
WALLPAPER
Darrell:
Oh dear lord.
Darrell:
Mark's arse preserved for all.
Ben:
"And Totally Doctor Who will be looking closer at that this Friday..."
Darrell:
*chokes*
Ben:
That's a thing, I wonder if Gatiss will be the guest this week.
Darrell:
"Tell me about your BDSM interests."
Ben:
Missed the last one. I'll have to catch the Pirates Of The Tarbuckian pt 5 on YouTube.
Ben:
"Our first question comes from Katie who is 9"
"Hello. Could you tell me out of all the episodes that you wrote, did Reece Shearsmith bum David Walliams? Thanks."
[Mark Gatiss is writhing in a towel. His chest isn't exactly, um, "non-hirsute"...]
Darrell:
Not only Mark Gatiss, we also get an appearance from Roland Rat on his chest.
Ben:
HA
Ben:
God today has been great - Wiggers has been out all day, new Super Giants LP leaked, Daydream Believers was good, finished the podcast in under 4 hours and I saw Mark Gatiss' arse on prime time BBC1.
Darrell:
"I've seen many strange things in my time - the Daleks, the Cybermen, Mark Gatiss in a towel..."
[The Doctor wants his Sonic Screwdriver to go "up to eleven"]
Darrell:
Ugly Spinal Tap reference there.
Ben:
Yes, I just winced.
[Arse is still staring us wide in the face]
Ben:
"Arse for all."
Ben:
David Tennant's diary for that day of shooting must be exciting: "Gatiss got his arse out again. Funny the first 18 times..."
Darrell:
"...after that it was even better!"
Ben:
"Watchoo talkin' bout, Marthus?"
[For some reason we're getting a trailer for episodes 12 and 13, and what seems like no mention of episode 7. Captain John Barrowman has appeared.]
Ben:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
--------------
[Thelma Barlow has just mentioned "Mr Saxon"]
Ben:
Sax-WHAT?!?!
[Reggie Yates is marching menacingly onto the screen]
Ben:
"Dont worry kids, Reggie's on the way!"
Darrell:
CRUST
[Mark Gatiss with peanuts on his face gets into a shower covered in lights and emerges sans peanuts]
Darrell:
Yay!
Darrell:
THE AIDS CLEARED UP!
Ben:
Someone from the crowd shouts "Do yer Mickey voice!"
Darrell:
"Do your Noel Clarke voice!"
Ben:
"Not you Yates."
Darrell:
"It's great ere innit, innit great"
Ben:
"Well, I dont really knooooowwwwwwwwwwww"
Ben:
But when are the rest of the Dinnerladies cast coming in?
Darrell:
Two down...
Ben:
Oh god. My free RT Who stickers this week were all comically awful.
Ben:
Anne Reid with straw, Doctor holds cat, "Cyberman", Doctor with blurry face and Peter "Dinners" Kay.
[Martha's family are on the screen again, sharing out about four lines of dialogue between the sixty-two of them]
Ben:
"That Doctor!"
"He's alright."
"Anyone fancy some pizza?"
[Mark's having a fit]
Ben:
I like the idea that they've picked someone in their 40's to be the new young man version.
[Reggie's back again]
Darrell:
WHERE'S NEV?
Ben:
WITH TOM AS USUAL
Darrell:
Also the answer to "Where's Matt and Dave?"
Ben:
Ha.
Ben:
Second answer: "Buggering men."
[Tennant's running down a rotating corridor being chased by some greasy legs]
Ben:
Doctor Who in "A Late 90's Doom Clone Game."
Darrell:
Why has the music gone into Joby Talbot style?
Ben:
I'd like to think it was a tribute to the guest star. But probably not.
Darrell:
The end song from Dinnerladies on its way no doubt.
Ben:
Full vocals I hope.
Darrell:
aka "Go For Another Take Vic, Please."
Ben:
Confidential is 40 minutes tonight. 45 last week. First four were 30 as per. What the bloody hell is going on?
Darrell:
First four were 45 actually.
Darrell:
First tx at least.
Ben:
The first one wasn't, Id stake brass on it.
Darrell:
I only know cause I taped them all.
Darrell:
First one was in a 45 slot but was 40.
Darrell:
Fuck knows why I taped them all, thinking about it.
Ben:
Last week's was the dullest thing in the world.
[Mark is laying naked on the floor, his glistening arse visible to all and sundry]
Ben:
WALLPAPER
Darrell:
Oh dear lord.
Darrell:
Mark's arse preserved for all.
Ben:
"And Totally Doctor Who will be looking closer at that this Friday..."
Darrell:
*chokes*
Ben:
That's a thing, I wonder if Gatiss will be the guest this week.
Darrell:
"Tell me about your BDSM interests."
Ben:
Missed the last one. I'll have to catch the Pirates Of The Tarbuckian pt 5 on YouTube.
Ben:
"Our first question comes from Katie who is 9"
"Hello. Could you tell me out of all the episodes that you wrote, did Reece Shearsmith bum David Walliams? Thanks."
[Mark Gatiss is writhing in a towel. His chest isn't exactly, um, "non-hirsute"...]
Darrell:
Not only Mark Gatiss, we also get an appearance from Roland Rat on his chest.
Ben:
HA
Ben:
God today has been great - Wiggers has been out all day, new Super Giants LP leaked, Daydream Believers was good, finished the podcast in under 4 hours and I saw Mark Gatiss' arse on prime time BBC1.
Darrell:
"I've seen many strange things in my time - the Daleks, the Cybermen, Mark Gatiss in a towel..."
[The Doctor wants his Sonic Screwdriver to go "up to eleven"]
Darrell:
Ugly Spinal Tap reference there.
Ben:
Yes, I just winced.
[Arse is still staring us wide in the face]
Ben:
"Arse for all."
Ben:
David Tennant's diary for that day of shooting must be exciting: "Gatiss got his arse out again. Funny the first 18 times..."
Darrell:
"...after that it was even better!"
Ben:
"Watchoo talkin' bout, Marthus?"
[For some reason we're getting a trailer for episodes 12 and 13, and what seems like no mention of episode 7. Captain John Barrowman has appeared.]
Ben:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We're The Mesopotamians
The new They Might Be Giants album has landed. And boy, it's a cracker. Linnell's songs sound the most like the State Songs album they've ever done, and equally the Flans numbers all reminiscent of Mono Puff at their most commercial. The Dust Brothers influence is positive and not at all intrusive - it merely busies up the arrangements with electro/psychedelia flourishes.
Have yet to fully sit down and learn all the lyrics like a happy testicle, but these are my comments on the music upon Listen Number Three. Lead singer (and probable main writer) in parentheses.
1. I'm Impressed (Linnell) - A furious rhythmic rock stomp, at times resembling the Boss Of Me chorus, but a lot more trippy and hypnotic. Perhaps most closely resembling how people were going to assume the album would sound when Andrews and King were accounced as co-producers.
2. Take Out The Trash (Flansburgh) - This one leaked a few days ago. Imagine if S-E-X-X-Y and Prevenge had a baby and plugged the gaps with an insanely catchy bassline. There's a lot of the Mono Puff 'alt-rock does bubblegum' feeling to it - really angular and spiky but still catchy. Possibly the radio single.
3. Upside Down Frown (Linnell) - The melody, chords and lyrics all come from a typical Linnell mid-tempo REM-style ballad, but the arrangement has a really aggressive sample-heavy drumbeat which really makes it sound fresh. The Johns harmonise with each other on this one rather than with themselves, which is always a treat. Really quite short, this nevertheless is a very 'up' slice of aceness.
4. Climbing The Walls (Linnell) - This could be off John Henry for all it sounds like. The early 1990s alt-rock sound, best demonstrated on something like End Of The Tour, is used to its full attention-grabbing potential. If you liked Hopeless Bleak Despair on Mink Car, then you'll be in your element. Great bass saxophone on it too.
5. Careful What You Pack (Flansburgh) - Another Dust Brothers soundscape underscores a beautiful psychedelic Flansburgh ballad. Sounds like Memo To Human Resources and I Can't Hide From My Mind off the last one. Probably the dreamiest track on this LP - relentless drums duelling with xylophones and harmonies you could drown in.
6. The Cap'm (Linnell) - Long live superpops! Despite the least catchy title in the world, this might be the most radio-friendly song here. Amazing chords as only Linnell can supply - makes any amateur songwriter just want to give up. There's some lovely production on this too - the percussion is in part a sample of a cheering concert crowd clapping along.
7. With The Dark (Flansburgh) - More gorgeousness from the the Flans ballad factory, with Another First Kiss-style softness, thick harmonies and strings, suddenly turns into a schitzophrenic medley that Paul McCartney would be happy to eat his dinner off. Teeth gnashing pop and brass-laden funk are some of the many ingredients in this earsplitting recipe.
8. The Shadow Government (Flansburgh, with Linnell's bridge) - You want catchy choruses, you got em Rodney. Doing quite a passable impersonation of the Fountains Of Wayne, this would sit equally happily on The Spine and appeal to the audience that first latched onto them via Boss Of Me and later kept afloat on Experimental Film. Another contender for single.
9. Bee Of The Bird Of The Moth (Linnell) - John Linnell has another go at the Apollo 18 style list song with this lyric-heavy ditty about a creature that had taken his fancy. The least immediately effective of the songs on here, it nevertheless is a grower and soon the combination of its complex arrangement and its mechanical tick-tocking has you entranced.
10. Withered Hope (Linnell) - The Dust Brothers must have been busy on this one, given just how much is going on in the distant sample percussion. A stream-of-consciousness stretch of Linnell breathlessness dances around an uplifting celebratory arrangement and an amazing chorus. Check out those discords in the harmonies, they'll take your face off.
11. Contrecoup (Linnell) - The only song on this LP that's had any sort of notable exposure beforehand, this was created as part of a lexographical challenge Linnell was set on the radio show The Next Big Thing to write a song using the words "contrecoup", "limerent" and "craniosophic", for a leather-bound edition of Moby Dick, a box of luxury chocolates and an official pride in having saved three words from being omitted from the next edition of the dictionary. Despite himself trashing its quality on the radio show, it must have stuck in his mind as after a successful showing on the TMBG Podcast and the Clock Radio streamer, here it is fully-realised with extra lyrics, a new bridge and a solo. And quite right too, it's brilliant.
12. Feign Amnesia (Flansburgh) - A new TMBG anthem, and one you just know will be electric in concert. Another Mono Puff relative, this squeezes so much into its two and half minute length you'll be buzzing from it for days. A big brash rock sound plus Flans' adolescent harmonies equalling pure musical adrenaline.
13. The Mesopotemians (Linnell) - They saved the best til last this time. Clearly taking its cue from the Monkees theme, here we get an almost illegally catchy theme tune for the legend of the Ancient Greek Mesopotamians. The harmony hook in the chorus will stop you dead in your tracks and get your shoulders bouncing up and down like a big happy idiot. Too obscure to be a radio hit, still I bet this makes it onto every future Giants compilation that any record company, enthusiastic fan or MP3 playlister ever cooks up. Fun fact - namechecking uncountable gods and deities, the lyrics are not only a bitch to learn but a bitch to spell as well!
Have yet to fully sit down and learn all the lyrics like a happy testicle, but these are my comments on the music upon Listen Number Three. Lead singer (and probable main writer) in parentheses.
1. I'm Impressed (Linnell) - A furious rhythmic rock stomp, at times resembling the Boss Of Me chorus, but a lot more trippy and hypnotic. Perhaps most closely resembling how people were going to assume the album would sound when Andrews and King were accounced as co-producers.
2. Take Out The Trash (Flansburgh) - This one leaked a few days ago. Imagine if S-E-X-X-Y and Prevenge had a baby and plugged the gaps with an insanely catchy bassline. There's a lot of the Mono Puff 'alt-rock does bubblegum' feeling to it - really angular and spiky but still catchy. Possibly the radio single.
3. Upside Down Frown (Linnell) - The melody, chords and lyrics all come from a typical Linnell mid-tempo REM-style ballad, but the arrangement has a really aggressive sample-heavy drumbeat which really makes it sound fresh. The Johns harmonise with each other on this one rather than with themselves, which is always a treat. Really quite short, this nevertheless is a very 'up' slice of aceness.
4. Climbing The Walls (Linnell) - This could be off John Henry for all it sounds like. The early 1990s alt-rock sound, best demonstrated on something like End Of The Tour, is used to its full attention-grabbing potential. If you liked Hopeless Bleak Despair on Mink Car, then you'll be in your element. Great bass saxophone on it too.
5. Careful What You Pack (Flansburgh) - Another Dust Brothers soundscape underscores a beautiful psychedelic Flansburgh ballad. Sounds like Memo To Human Resources and I Can't Hide From My Mind off the last one. Probably the dreamiest track on this LP - relentless drums duelling with xylophones and harmonies you could drown in.
6. The Cap'm (Linnell) - Long live superpops! Despite the least catchy title in the world, this might be the most radio-friendly song here. Amazing chords as only Linnell can supply - makes any amateur songwriter just want to give up. There's some lovely production on this too - the percussion is in part a sample of a cheering concert crowd clapping along.
7. With The Dark (Flansburgh) - More gorgeousness from the the Flans ballad factory, with Another First Kiss-style softness, thick harmonies and strings, suddenly turns into a schitzophrenic medley that Paul McCartney would be happy to eat his dinner off. Teeth gnashing pop and brass-laden funk are some of the many ingredients in this earsplitting recipe.
8. The Shadow Government (Flansburgh, with Linnell's bridge) - You want catchy choruses, you got em Rodney. Doing quite a passable impersonation of the Fountains Of Wayne, this would sit equally happily on The Spine and appeal to the audience that first latched onto them via Boss Of Me and later kept afloat on Experimental Film. Another contender for single.
9. Bee Of The Bird Of The Moth (Linnell) - John Linnell has another go at the Apollo 18 style list song with this lyric-heavy ditty about a creature that had taken his fancy. The least immediately effective of the songs on here, it nevertheless is a grower and soon the combination of its complex arrangement and its mechanical tick-tocking has you entranced.
10. Withered Hope (Linnell) - The Dust Brothers must have been busy on this one, given just how much is going on in the distant sample percussion. A stream-of-consciousness stretch of Linnell breathlessness dances around an uplifting celebratory arrangement and an amazing chorus. Check out those discords in the harmonies, they'll take your face off.
11. Contrecoup (Linnell) - The only song on this LP that's had any sort of notable exposure beforehand, this was created as part of a lexographical challenge Linnell was set on the radio show The Next Big Thing to write a song using the words "contrecoup", "limerent" and "craniosophic", for a leather-bound edition of Moby Dick, a box of luxury chocolates and an official pride in having saved three words from being omitted from the next edition of the dictionary. Despite himself trashing its quality on the radio show, it must have stuck in his mind as after a successful showing on the TMBG Podcast and the Clock Radio streamer, here it is fully-realised with extra lyrics, a new bridge and a solo. And quite right too, it's brilliant.
12. Feign Amnesia (Flansburgh) - A new TMBG anthem, and one you just know will be electric in concert. Another Mono Puff relative, this squeezes so much into its two and half minute length you'll be buzzing from it for days. A big brash rock sound plus Flans' adolescent harmonies equalling pure musical adrenaline.
13. The Mesopotemians (Linnell) - They saved the best til last this time. Clearly taking its cue from the Monkees theme, here we get an almost illegally catchy theme tune for the legend of the Ancient Greek Mesopotamians. The harmony hook in the chorus will stop you dead in your tracks and get your shoulders bouncing up and down like a big happy idiot. Too obscure to be a radio hit, still I bet this makes it onto every future Giants compilation that any record company, enthusiastic fan or MP3 playlister ever cooks up. Fun fact - namechecking uncountable gods and deities, the lyrics are not only a bitch to learn but a bitch to spell as well!
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